So. It's that time of year again. Time for round the clock sunscreen and grass stained clothes and "look mom it's a black snake!" (it's really a centipede!). It's summertime.
And with summer comes summer sports. This is the first summer that two of my three boys are participating in baseball-like sports. I say 'baseball-like' because Kid #1 is participating in his first year of 'coach-pitch' baseball, in which every child gets to stay at bat until their bat makes contact with the ball.
Do you know how many pitches it takes to get your average six year old to hit the ball? Roughly the same amount of time it takes for my one year old to open up and dump a bottle of water into his lap where it soaks his pants and the bag of Goldfish crackers he dumped out during the last at-bat, forming a cheesy orange paste that will eventually end up everywhere but in his mouth.
However this is the first season that Kid #1 has not entertained the crowd by somersaulting into every base, so we're calling it a win.
Kid #2 is participating in 3 year-old tee ball, in which the kids gingerly knock the ball off the tee and then stand there stunned while everyone yells "RUN!!!!" Sometimes they make it to first base. Sometimes there are three players from their team already standing on first base when they get there.
If I had it my way Kid #3 will not play organized sports until junior high school, but I know that Husband will probably protest that we cannot deny him the chance to be the child who will overcome MY genes and be THE ATHLETIC ONE and I'll soon be spending every single summer night in a lawn chair trying not to get hit by a foul ball.
I've mentioned in a previous blog that I was a girly girl - not competitive, not very coordinated, and not really interested in breaking a sweat or getting dirty. So it might come as a surprise that I really enjoyed the summer nights I spent playing in the Kenston Athletic Association little league.
Mostly for the social aspect. I liked hanging out with the friends I didn't get to see at school every day during the summer. That there was a baseball game going on at the same time that we were comparing friendship bracelets and tan lines was not of much consequence.
Also, the snacks. My parents were into health food. They told me that eating donuts was akin to putting poison into my body, which is why even to this day the sight of a Krispy Kreme fills me with both fear and longing.
With that in mind, imagine my surprise when six weeks ago I received Kid #2's tee ball information via email. It was six-thirty in the morning when I opened the attachments that had been sent out the night before listing his teammates, the schedule of games, and the snack assignments. Or, rather, what I assumed would be the snack assignments until I opened the attachment labeled "snack letter". I scanned the document and immediately called my husband at work.
"The snack letter?" He said, without even saying 'hello'.
"I already emailed the commissioner asking what could have happened last year to make this kind of letter necessary" he said.
The letter began like this:
Dear Parents,
We are trying something new with the snacks this year, and we have a great idea. Remember the orange slices we all ate on the sidelines when we were young? Let's bring them back! We want our kids to play sports so they move their bodies, burn off energy and be strong--so let's give them a snack that keeps them healthy.
OK, so she lost me right away with the orange slices. As I mentioned before, the post-game snack was the highlight of Little League for me. Had there been orange slices, which I could have easily gotten at home, there's no way I would have shown up to pretend to pay attention in the outfield for two hours.
I've since been told that orange slices were a soccer thing, justifying my refusal to play anything where I might potentially get kicked in the shins.
Also, I'm pretty sure Husband wants the kids to play sports so they can experience being part of a team, gain a little hand-eye coordination and potentially get an athletic scholarship to college. While my genetic contribution to our children's DNA make the latter improbable if not impossible, I think he'd settle for them to be on a winning a team so they could at least have bragging rights.
As for moving their bodies and burning off energy, my kids never stop moving their bodies. They're boys. Even when they're playing on ipads they're simultaneously kicking each other, dodging punches or rolling around on the floor. They burn off energy all day long running races around the house and if you've ever had to wrestle one of my kids into their pajamas you'd know that strength isn't something they lack.
So, no, I actually do not want my kids to play sports to move their bodies, burn off energy and be strong. They get that at home. I want them to play sports so they fit in and maybe aren't picked last in gym class like their mom was. And because their dad wants them to play sports.
Here's what the coach and I are asking of you: Every child brings a water bottle and parents take turns bringing a real food snack for after games. This real food and water policy benefits everyone.
Wait, what? Real Food? I mean, don't get me wrong, I read In Defense of Food (ok I listened to it on CD) and I know the difference between Food and Food-Like Substances. I personally don't trust foods that come in five florescent colors or whose names have the word gusher in them. In fact, as a general rule I don't believe that the name of anything you eat should contain an action verb.
And yet.
This is three-year-old tee ball in a middle class suburb full of helicopter parents and tiger moms. Last year's snacks were primarily Goldfish crackers and Fruitables juice boxes (the kind that contain a full serving of fruits and vegetables). Occasionally there was the errant granola bar or bag of Sun Chips, but come on people, it's not like Red Bull and Twinkies were being distributed by parents post-game.
The letter continues.
Feel free to bring any fresh fruit you'd like (please wash it so it's ready to grab and eat).
Does she think we are animals? That we would bring DIRTY, UNWASHED fruit to feed to her - er - our precious offspring? Even I, who have been known to adhere to a five-minute-rule for dropped food rather than a five second one, know to at least run my fresh fruits and vegetables under the sink for a few seconds before serving them. Unless I'm cooking them in the oven because, you know, heat kills stuff.
You can also bring small boxes of raisins (but don't bring fruit roll-ups or fruit snacks because those are mostly added sugar).
OK. I get it. Raisins are fruit but anything that comes molded in the shape of a cartoon character or that can be unrolled and flattened out over your face like a ski mask before it is eaten is not fruit. But as for the added sugar, it has been shown that most of the calories in a box of raisins are, in fact, derived from added sugar. Those little suckers are covered in it. But whatever. Raisins look like rabbit droppings, therefore they are good.
Because this whole real food concept might be super confusing to parents who need to be reminded to wash their produce, she further breaks it down and supplies a list of "ideas" as to what an appropriate snack might be.
carrot sticks (in baggies)
apple slices (in baggies)
mini apples
watermelon slices
grapes (cut into small bunches)
berries
melon balls in paper cups
whole-wheat pretzels
Lara Bars
Dried whole grain cereal (such as puffed brown rice or organic corn)
unsweetened applesauce cups
dried dates (in baggies)
strawberries (whole with tops cut off, in baggies)
oranges
raisins
This list poses some questions for me.
1. Why do we have to be told to put our food in baggies, reminded to cut the tops off of strawberries, and to bring our grapes in small bunches? Has she had experience in the past with adults showing up to kids' sporting events and dangling (proverbial) carrots over the mouths of young children - daring them to take a bite of an unwashed and uncut vegetable treat? Was her child the innocent victim of some grape eating fiasco in which the grapes were not cut into individual bunches and a juicy brawl ensued?
I'm concerned with this woman's lack of faith in humanity.
2. Why is it that the carrot sticks, apple slices and dried dates are going in baggies but the grapes, berries and pretzels are not? Are some snacks worth destroying the environment for and some not? Why are we worried about our children's health but not our own carbon footprint?
And how are we supposed to serve the berries? There is no parenthetical aside explaining whether or not baggies or paper cups are appropriate for those.
I'm lost.
3. What the hell are Lara Bars? OK, I just googled it. Their website describes them as "a delicious, gluten free blend of unsweetened fruits, nuts, and spices." This totally sounds like something my kids will gobble right up.
I, on the other hand, just ordered a case from Amazon.
4. Who has time to scoop melons into balls and put them in individual cups? And why not baggies!?!?! Please explain the method to this madness!!! I'm guessing the same person who had time to compose this list. In which case I would strongly urge them to HAVE MORE KIDS except that a little internet snooping tells me they already have four.
I give up. Time to add a melon baller to my Amazon order.
5. Has anyone seen what dried dates look like in baggies? Please, someone, give my child a snack that looks like something you brought back in a plastic bag after walking your dog. I DARE YOU.
The letter concludes:
If you don't think your child will eat fruit or feel he needs something more after the game, please bring your own snack and give it to your child away from the field.
Translation: I'm sorry that your child prefers to fill his body with total crap but he will not expose my special snowflake to that kind of corruption. Furthermore I will not risk a riot at the tee ball field when the other children see your child licking a popsicle while they are stuck crunching on their organic puffed rice cereal.
I wonder how she feels about the ice cream truck that parks itself in front of the field so that virtually everyone who walks from the parking lot to their child's game has to pass it. Even I find this a little annoying, because I never have cash on me and usually end up having to promise my kids a bowl of ice cream when we get home to keep them from having a meltdown right there on the sidewalk.
I'm lost.
3. What the hell are Lara Bars? OK, I just googled it. Their website describes them as "a delicious, gluten free blend of unsweetened fruits, nuts, and spices." This totally sounds like something my kids will gobble right up.
I, on the other hand, just ordered a case from Amazon.
4. Who has time to scoop melons into balls and put them in individual cups? And why not baggies!?!?! Please explain the method to this madness!!! I'm guessing the same person who had time to compose this list. In which case I would strongly urge them to HAVE MORE KIDS except that a little internet snooping tells me they already have four.
I give up. Time to add a melon baller to my Amazon order.
5. Has anyone seen what dried dates look like in baggies? Please, someone, give my child a snack that looks like something you brought back in a plastic bag after walking your dog. I DARE YOU.
The letter concludes:
If you don't think your child will eat fruit or feel he needs something more after the game, please bring your own snack and give it to your child away from the field.
Translation: I'm sorry that your child prefers to fill his body with total crap but he will not expose my special snowflake to that kind of corruption. Furthermore I will not risk a riot at the tee ball field when the other children see your child licking a popsicle while they are stuck crunching on their organic puffed rice cereal.
I wonder how she feels about the ice cream truck that parks itself in front of the field so that virtually everyone who walks from the parking lot to their child's game has to pass it. Even I find this a little annoying, because I never have cash on me and usually end up having to promise my kids a bowl of ice cream when we get home to keep them from having a meltdown right there on the sidewalk.
The first season that Kid #1 played we were able to convince him that the truck was really an ambulance pimped out in pastel colors, but now that he can read it's a whole different ballgame.
So to speak.
Remember to bring a full bottle of water to each game for your child. Please do not bring flavored water pouches or juice boxes for players. The best thing for kids to drink before, during and after sports is regular water, according to the American Academy of Pediatrics.
Oh no she didn't just bring the AAP into this. We're all screwed.
The electrolytes lost during sweat can easily be replaced during their next meal.
Because that's why we bring drinks to the games - to replace electrolytes. I'm pretty sure the only time my children have broken a sweat at tee ball were the times we had to make a mad dash to the car during a rainstorm. The beverage portion of the snacks, in my experience, serves to quench the thirst caused by the excess salt consumed after eating a snack pack of Pringles.
We all care about our kids and want what's best for them so let's do something great for their health!
F*ck. Basically what she's saying is that if I don't go along with this snack "policy" I don't care about my kids' health. I might as well go buy an insulin pump to put in their lunch boxes with next to the Capri Suns.
Finally, the letter is signed by the two co-commissioners of the league.
Now, before I go any further, I feel obligated to reveal that one of the two commissioners of this letter is actually related to me. We aren't related by blood, but she is in every other sense of the word my family. She recently referred to me as 'the witty one' and I often refer to her as 'the one who makes it look easy.' And by IT I mean EVERYTHING. She's a preschool PTA leader and the Young Family Events coordinator at our synagogue. She works part time, is a fabulous cook, has kids who she can take to dinner at nice restaurants without worrying that they will make a scene, and after being pregnant with those two kids she can still wear a bikini-- and look GOOD in it.
I would totally hate her if I didn't actually love her.
This summer, on top of all that, she took on the roll of tee ball co-commissioner. You couldn't PAY me to do this job. It involves creating tee ball teams and schedules, arranging for team pictures to be taken and the distribution of those same team pictures two weeks later, schlepping tee ball equipment to and from the fields on game day and deciding whether or not to cancel the games in the face of inclement weather. It's a thankless job and still the parents manage to complain if a game is cancelled because there was thunder but it never actually rained or if their child is the only minority on their team.
Anyway - back to the letter. When my Husband asked her about it she told him that she didn't write it, or even read it before it was sent out.
I believe her because she's super busy and also super cool and laid-back.
And here's the thing - whether she wrote it or not, I GET IT. I really do. I'll be the first to admit that my kids have awful eating habits (actually, I already admitted it in a previous blog post). I try really hard to serve healthy meals and not cave and give them junk just to get some food in their bodies. I buy Annie's Organic Mac and Cheese instead of Kraft. I serve Morningstar nuggets instead of going through the McDonald's drive through. I cringe when they insist that their daily intake of calcium comes from vanilla flavored yogurt with M&M's mixed in.
What I object to is the TONE of this letter. The fact that we have to be instructed to wash and bag our fruit and veggies. The fact that there are only certain foods and drinks that, in someone else's opinion, are appropriate to bring IF YOU LOVE YOUR CHILDREN. I think a "Please bring healthy snacks and water or fruit juice - no energy drinks or soda please" would have sufficed.
Also, this is summertime tee-ball for three and four year old children. I know we have to teach our kids healthy habits but can't we also let them have few little guilty pleasures as well? If we forever hide the "bad" food from them, what is going to happen when they get older and are able to choose it for themselves? I find that the kids who are denied juice at home are often the ones binging on it in my pantry, while my kids are quenching their thirst with a glass of water. There is some danger, I believe, in creating "forbidden fruit."
Part of the fun of these childhood sports is, and always will be, the snacks. It's the sweet reward for a job well done, or at least for sucking it up and standing out there in left field picking dandelions until a fly ball hits you in the head.
My husband is the coach of our child's team, and in response to this he sent out a follow up letter before the first game, letting the parents know that they should feel free to bring whatever kind of snack they thought the kids would like and also asking if anyone had any allergies. Funny that the letter that was so concerned with our kids' health neglected to mention allergies. There is, in fact, one little girl on the team with a peanut allergy. For all we know the Organic Puffed Rice Cereal factory is DRIPPING with peanut oil.
So far, our team snacks have ranged from vanilla wafers to goldfish to fresh berries -- squeaky clean and appropriately placed in baggies. I did hear comments from the other parents that their children's reaction to bags of puffed rice and boxes of raisins included "They want us to EAT this?" and "Those aren't SNACKS!" But overall no one has suffered from the snack policy, and perhaps our kids have even benefited from the extra serving of fruits and vegetables, although the abundance of uneaten carrot sticks in the garbage can (don't these children know there are starving people in Africa!?!) tells me otherwise.
In fact I suspect that the person who really benefited from the Healthy Snack Policy is the owner of the ice cream truck, who seems to be having a banner summer.
So to speak.
Remember to bring a full bottle of water to each game for your child. Please do not bring flavored water pouches or juice boxes for players. The best thing for kids to drink before, during and after sports is regular water, according to the American Academy of Pediatrics.
Oh no she didn't just bring the AAP into this. We're all screwed.
The electrolytes lost during sweat can easily be replaced during their next meal.
Because that's why we bring drinks to the games - to replace electrolytes. I'm pretty sure the only time my children have broken a sweat at tee ball were the times we had to make a mad dash to the car during a rainstorm. The beverage portion of the snacks, in my experience, serves to quench the thirst caused by the excess salt consumed after eating a snack pack of Pringles.
We all care about our kids and want what's best for them so let's do something great for their health!
F*ck. Basically what she's saying is that if I don't go along with this snack "policy" I don't care about my kids' health. I might as well go buy an insulin pump to put in their lunch boxes with next to the Capri Suns.
Finally, the letter is signed by the two co-commissioners of the league.
Now, before I go any further, I feel obligated to reveal that one of the two commissioners of this letter is actually related to me. We aren't related by blood, but she is in every other sense of the word my family. She recently referred to me as 'the witty one' and I often refer to her as 'the one who makes it look easy.' And by IT I mean EVERYTHING. She's a preschool PTA leader and the Young Family Events coordinator at our synagogue. She works part time, is a fabulous cook, has kids who she can take to dinner at nice restaurants without worrying that they will make a scene, and after being pregnant with those two kids she can still wear a bikini-- and look GOOD in it.
I would totally hate her if I didn't actually love her.
This summer, on top of all that, she took on the roll of tee ball co-commissioner. You couldn't PAY me to do this job. It involves creating tee ball teams and schedules, arranging for team pictures to be taken and the distribution of those same team pictures two weeks later, schlepping tee ball equipment to and from the fields on game day and deciding whether or not to cancel the games in the face of inclement weather. It's a thankless job and still the parents manage to complain if a game is cancelled because there was thunder but it never actually rained or if their child is the only minority on their team.
Anyway - back to the letter. When my Husband asked her about it she told him that she didn't write it, or even read it before it was sent out.
I believe her because she's super busy and also super cool and laid-back.
And here's the thing - whether she wrote it or not, I GET IT. I really do. I'll be the first to admit that my kids have awful eating habits (actually, I already admitted it in a previous blog post). I try really hard to serve healthy meals and not cave and give them junk just to get some food in their bodies. I buy Annie's Organic Mac and Cheese instead of Kraft. I serve Morningstar nuggets instead of going through the McDonald's drive through. I cringe when they insist that their daily intake of calcium comes from vanilla flavored yogurt with M&M's mixed in.
What I object to is the TONE of this letter. The fact that we have to be instructed to wash and bag our fruit and veggies. The fact that there are only certain foods and drinks that, in someone else's opinion, are appropriate to bring IF YOU LOVE YOUR CHILDREN. I think a "Please bring healthy snacks and water or fruit juice - no energy drinks or soda please" would have sufficed.
Also, this is summertime tee-ball for three and four year old children. I know we have to teach our kids healthy habits but can't we also let them have few little guilty pleasures as well? If we forever hide the "bad" food from them, what is going to happen when they get older and are able to choose it for themselves? I find that the kids who are denied juice at home are often the ones binging on it in my pantry, while my kids are quenching their thirst with a glass of water. There is some danger, I believe, in creating "forbidden fruit."
Part of the fun of these childhood sports is, and always will be, the snacks. It's the sweet reward for a job well done, or at least for sucking it up and standing out there in left field picking dandelions until a fly ball hits you in the head.
My husband is the coach of our child's team, and in response to this he sent out a follow up letter before the first game, letting the parents know that they should feel free to bring whatever kind of snack they thought the kids would like and also asking if anyone had any allergies. Funny that the letter that was so concerned with our kids' health neglected to mention allergies. There is, in fact, one little girl on the team with a peanut allergy. For all we know the Organic Puffed Rice Cereal factory is DRIPPING with peanut oil.
So far, our team snacks have ranged from vanilla wafers to goldfish to fresh berries -- squeaky clean and appropriately placed in baggies. I did hear comments from the other parents that their children's reaction to bags of puffed rice and boxes of raisins included "They want us to EAT this?" and "Those aren't SNACKS!" But overall no one has suffered from the snack policy, and perhaps our kids have even benefited from the extra serving of fruits and vegetables, although the abundance of uneaten carrot sticks in the garbage can (don't these children know there are starving people in Africa!?!) tells me otherwise.
In fact I suspect that the person who really benefited from the Healthy Snack Policy is the owner of the ice cream truck, who seems to be having a banner summer.
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