You've Got All Day

Anyone else having a hard time getting out of bed these days?  I never thought I'd miss the sound of the 6:15 am alarm but here we are.  Today I found myself awake at 6:45 but realized that with no lunches to pack, no school bus on the way, no kids to coax out of bed there was no reason to head down to the kitchen and start the coffee.

I've got all day. 

I heard the dog make his way to the bottom of the stairs, but instead of running up to jump on top of the bed to beg for breakfast and a walk I heard him sigh heavily and lay down on the floor, as if to say "What's the point? We've got all day..." 


I drifted in and out of sleep until around 7:45 when I heard my husband wake up and start scrolling through his phone.  Then I heard him say "Are the kids taking their schoolwork seriously enough?"  I can't remember exactly what I said in response but his reply of "Geez, I was JUST asking!" makes me think it was either a. defensive, b. hostile, c. profanity laced or d. all of the above.  Whether his question induced enough guilt to go see what the kids were up to or just the desire to get away from him is debatable, but either way it got me out of bed. 

As I was starting the French Press I saw a text message come through on my phone: "Turn on the Today Show for tips on homeschooling your kids."  This would be from my mom.  My mom is a retired elementary school teacher and amazing grandmother.  She buys my kids educational games and reads them the latest Newbury and Caldecott winners.  She loves museums and movies "with a message."  She is also a major source of my "I'm not doing it right" complex.  "It" in this case being educating my kids. 

Normally, I'm grateful for her advice and the enrichment she provides my kids.  I'm SO lucky to have a mom who can play math games with my kids and trick them into thinking they aren't learning anything.  As for my own insecurities about my ability to adequately educate my kids, I am usually able to say to myself "Well, she was trained for that.  She has experience in it.  I was trained to be an artist.  I'll make art and let the teachers teach my kids." 

And then COVID 19 happened. 

For the past few days anyone who's on social media has been inundated by posts showing off "creative workspaces", "homeschool schedules" and "kids writing short story collections to send to nursing home residents who, without visiting hours have all the time in the world to try to make sense of second grade spelling." Without athletic triumphs to brag about and dance recital videos to updload moms have resorted to competing over who can quarantine the best.  Instead of crowd-sourcing for the best coding class or SAT prep course, they are posting pictures of their kid's iphone controlled leprechaun trap and their sixth grader's progress on War and Peace.  Did you make a schedule for your kids so that they don't become brain-dead zombies?  It appears that the most dangerous side effect of the Coronavirus is kids acting like quarantine is just an extended spring break. 

Here's what I've done:

I printed out the work my kids' first and third grade teachers sent home and organized them in binders.  I made them a to-do list for said homework - every day they need to complete their math worksheets, do a writing prompt, review word study words and do thirty minutes of reading.  This was partly for my own sanity because the countless emails and social media posts from teachers and schools and other parents was becoming overwhelming and I needed to sort everything into manageable piles.  My older son is in middle school and is able to manage his workload online.  His work-from-home just started today because the teachers needed more than 24 hours to create their online curriculum and honestly, that was a relief. 

As for a daily schedule, the whole idea stresses me out.  I don't like setting time limits because it makes me feel like a prison guard and not a mom. My kids aren't the type to sit still for long anyway (because, boys), so the idea that they are going to melt into the couch is unrealistic here.  They'd rather be outside playing basketball, riding their bikes, or just banging sticks into the ground.  In any weather.  Not always in weather-appropriate dress.  So having set times for screens, exercise or quiet time (what's that???) isn't needed or is just pure fantasy. 

That's what works for me.  That's how I am handling this.  That's what's keeping me sane. 

This is in no way a directive for other parents.  For other parents, a strict schedule might be needed to keep anxiety at bay.  Or to keep your kids from creating tushie-shaped dents in the couch.  For other parents, no screen time during school hours might be needed to keep your kids off of Tik Tok (or Pornhub) while you are trying to work from home (or away from home) and can't supervise them to make sure they aren't being targeted by predators or followed by their teachers who might judge you for letting your children have screen time during school hours. 

Here is my directive to other parents: YOU DO YOU. 

This is a scary, sucky time to be a parent.  We are trying to manage our own anxieties and navigate a situation we have never been in before. 

We might be worried about our grandparents who are in their 90's and have to scream at each other to be heard and if they don't die of COVID-19 might actually kill each other because in 75 years of marriage they have never had to spend this much time alone together. 

We might be worried about our baby boomer parents who refuse to accept that this is happening and insist on leaving the house to play pickleball or maj or go to Trader Joes because they need grapes. 

We might be worried about the economy and our jobs and the jobs of people we care about and even people we don't know because we could easily be in their shoes. 

And we are trying not to let that anxiety show to our kids because we don't want to make them anxious too.  They are missing sports and birthday parties and vacations and school carnivals and performances.  I don't mind missing a meeting (because it turns out it actually could have been an email!) here or a workout there (I'm too anxious to eat anyway).  I have been to Florida plenty of times and know that parties can be rescheduled (and what a celebration they will be!).  But our kids are allowed to be disappointed and we are allowed to let them have those feelings. 

So far my kids have taken this in stride, either because they don't have the ability to see the enormity of the situation and the vast amount unknowns that exist within it or because they honestly enjoy spending time with us. Yes, they do their schoolwork but they also have slumber parties on the couch and watch movies until 10 pm every night. 

I am not a teacher.  My kids might not come out of this with a higher IQ.  They might end up with a lot of new tik tok followers and know all the lyrics to Hamilton but not have a working knowledge of Algebra. They might need a little extra help catching up next year.  But guess what? Unless there was a class in homeschooling that I missed out on in the hospital after I gave birth, all of us parents are in the same boat.  We are navigating uncharted waters and are worried about making sure our kids stay afloat. 

We have the chance to make this a positive experience for our kids and not something that will give them --or us-- PTSD (although I'm pretty sure that my "I didn't study for my math test" dreams will become "I didn't help my kids learn math" dreams in the not so distant future).

So if your kids are happy and successful on a schedule, color code that shit and post it on your kitchen wall.

If your kids do better with self-motivating and taking breaks as needed rather than as dictated, give them a to-do list and a deadline to have it done by.

You've got all day.